Are you in a forced identity transition?
Has the landscape of your life and its trajectory changed to something new, unrecognizable, and unwanted?
Has something happened to you either suddenly, or slowly over time, leaving you feeling broken or not whole, needing to figure out new ways to go forward?
When a loved one dies we’re often forced into an identity transition. Others understand our pain and support us, at least initially. Grief and loss is acknowledged and being sad and confused is expected.
And…other losses cause the same kind of pain but aren’t perceived, treated, or labeled as grief and loss.
But they are EXACTLY that. They cause the death of who we were.
- When we lose access to our former identity, it’s a kind of death as real as losing a person to death.
We go through the same fears and feelings as a person who’s lost a loved one.
And these losses need to be given the same space and TLC a bereaved person gets.
Things like:
- A catastrophic medical diagnosis, like a stroke that limits independence, or losing YOUR independence from becoming a caregiver, or diabetes that impacts every food choice every single day.
- A divorce from a marriage where you’ve adapted and capitulated so much you no longer know your preferences and can’t choose what color bath towels to buy for your new place!
- A job or career loss because you can no longer perform in your previous capacity (e.g. from an acquired disability) or the position no longer exists (e.g. has been offshored).
These are just the tip of the iceberg of ways people are thrust into forced identity transition.
If you’re feeling stressed because you feel bad. If you think you should just look at the bright side of things. If you think you’re not adapting to change well enough. It might be that you need to grieve your losses.
Each primary loss, like those listed above, creates a cascade of secondary losses—things we expected to happen or do that are no longer part of the picture.
- The more we acknowledge and tend to the pain of ALL losses, the more we’ll be able to enjoy the bright side of life.
If you’d like a guidebook on how to navigate through forced change, my book —MASTERS OF CHANGE— will help you.
—Julie
https://www.amazon.com/
