When it’s not like it was

One of the most important things I teach parents with a child with a catastrophic medical diagnosis is to treat reality as reality.

What does that mean?

When things aren’t the way we want them to be, sometimes we try to twist reality.

We may:

— Pretend what is ISN’T really as it is.

— Get on a hamster wheel coming up with reasons it SHOULDN’T be as it is.

— DENY and ignore reality.

These are just some of the ways we unnecessarily deplete precious time and energy.

They’re coping mechanisms to deal with reality when there’s just too much pain and uncertainty.

And there are better ways.

Here are three ways to cope more effectively that help you face reality head on:

1. Lower expectations

2. Measure productivity differently

3. Take time to grieve.

Life isn’t now, and may never be, as it was before.

With a serious medical condition the individual’s current lifestyle changes. Their life trajectory changes.

The trick here is to lower expectations to match reality WHILE keeping hope alive for positive change.

For you as a caretaker, your life also changes  because you take on new roles. This means you can’t expect to do everything like before.

If you change what you measure as productive you’ll suffer less.

The entire family system changes when an individual has a serious illness or condition. Different things become more and less important.

Take time to revise your previous standards to make room for reality as it is today.

Not as you wish it were.

Not as you need it to be.

A catastrophic medical diagnosis is a traumatic event. And with trauma there’s always grief.

If you treat taking time to grieve as a new productivity activity you’ll be able to treat reality as reality more quickly.

Let me know if these make sense and share something you do to deal with reality head on.

—Julie