What’s the difference?

We move on FROM something.

We move forward WITH something.

—.—

When it comes to grief, moving on implies that we can leave grief behind us.

But that’s not how grief works.

This kind of closure is a fallacy.

Grief never dies nor can we leave it behind.

A loss will always be a loss, no matter how long ago it was.

We cannot “move on” from our grief.

It takes up permanent residence in our hearts and minds.

• Moving forward with grief implies we continue our life journey evolving alongside our grief.

We learn to accommodate it.

It changes over time.

It changes US over time.

Grief becomes an integral part of our identity.

It has the power to change worldviews and what’s important…

For many who “do the work” …

Grief stops defining the rest of their lives.

—.—

But it can devour us in pain if not tended to—when we try to “Just move on.”

So choose your words wisely—words matter—and for someone in grief, they know the difference.

—Julie

P.S. Grief...

Because pain needs to be witnessed to process it, suppression doesn’t work to resolve it.

To process pain from grief, to get to the other side of pain, we must move through it.

Trying to ignore, sidestep, or hope it will just go away prolongs pain.

• Suppression requires engaging in behaviors that make it harder to process pain if and when we make that decision.

These behaviors also tend to negatively impact All aspects of our lives.

If you bite the bullet and acknowledge and engage in pain it won’t annihilate you.

Instead, it shows you exactly where to go, psychologically, to heal.

—Julie

#BoldBecoming
#MastersOfChange
#GriefAndLoss
#HighPerformance
#LifeCoach
#Burnout

Ableism is discrimination in favor of able-bodied people.

It’s fueled by prejudice, bias, and ignorance directed towards people living with disabilities.

While often unconscious, its effects are felt daily and worldwide.

Not only are those living with disabilities directly impacted by it but so are their families and friends.

SO is society at large.

• We miss out on their contributions when people with disabilities don’t have access to join as equal members of society.

But what if we were to bake it in from the start?

—Access…

—Accomodations…

—Equal opportunity…

—Etc…

If we PLAN for inclusion, we create ways to make it happen. It doesn’t happen on its own.

• —.—

My friend’s daughter had a learning difference and wasn’t learning to read or write.

After the school’s special ed. evaluation only came up with anxiety, Mom got a second evaluation from an independent agency.

They discovered a visual processing deficit whereby when the girl sounded out each letter in a wor...

World renowned conflict negotiator Stuart Diamond says words matter.

When I had 5 part time jobs at once, I thought overworking was a badge of honor. Every time I finished driving the late shift for the university library shuttle bus, I felt I’d won the day!!! … because I worked until 2am…

Powering through became a lifestyle choice.

When you’re young with ambition, it’s par for the course. For some it’s a necessity.

And for none does it support well-being.

We’re designed for contemplation time. Rest. Reflection. For recovery from work.

At the heart of burnout is failed energy management.

• Burnout’s not just from overworking. It’s neglecting recovery.

Intentionally building in recovery is critical to our well-being —our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and relational health.

But recovery’s easily overlooked for one main reason:

• Voids get filled, almost automatically. So NOT doing —a tactic for recovery— can be difficult.

For high achievers, not “being producti...

When the enormity of your child’s diagnosis sinks in, you feel as if control over your life’s slipped through your fingers like water.

Control with a capital “C” becomes a thing of the past. 

You feel like you’ve been given a life sentence of overwhelm, fear, and hopelessness.

You’re alone in a silo of grief that appears to have no top or bottom.

Platitudes from friends and family hurt more than help. 

While they may understand intellectually, they’ll never be in your shoes nor able to fathom the realities of your experience.  

Once the dust settles and shock thaws off, YOU begin to understand where you’ve landed…

… that the rest of your life will be designed around running in high gear, with extraordinary responsibilities that you must build your new normal around. 

• The top thing to do now is renegotiate your relationship with choice, right when it’s stripped away from you. 

It’s important to seek and recognize choice where you find it, then use your agency —your ability ...

Has the landscape of your life and its trajectory changed to something new, unrecognizable, and unwanted?

Has something happened to you either suddenly, or slowly over time, leaving you feeling broken or not whole, needing to figure out new ways to go forward?

When a loved one dies we’re often forced into an identity transition. Others understand our pain and support us, at least initially. Grief and loss is acknowledged and being sad and confused is expected.

And…other losses cause the same kind of pain but aren’t perceived, treated, or labeled as grief and loss. 

But they are EXACTLY that. They cause the death of who we were. 

• When we lose access to our former identity, it’s a kind of death as real as losing a person to death. 

We go through the same fears and feelings as a person who’s lost a loved one. 

And these losses need to be given the same space and TLC a bereaved person gets. 

Things like:

• A catastrophic medical diagnosis, like a stroke that limits independenc
...

Most of us are busy. 

Parents or caregivers of people with special needs or disabilities are exponentially busier than others. 

So much is out of their control. 

• And being better organized is a powerful tactic to take back SOME control. 

When I interviewed with my apparel patternmaking teacher, after lying to her face that I’d do 5 hours a day of homework, she showed me her kitchen. Opening every cabinet, with a smile, she said “A place for everything and everything in its place!”

People who sew are often incredibly organized. They know the value of expediency. Every minute counts. Every hand movement counts. 

In factories, they time how long it takes the best stitcher to make a garment, then expect everyone else to be near that speed. 

The Gap patternmaker (who told me about my teacher) was only allowed to put ONE curve in the outseam of a pants pattern, to increase speed of construction.

• One area most of us can become more organized, EASILY, is to set aside 5-10 minutes...

Last year I learned of grief expert David Kessler, who co-authored books with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. I took his Grief Educators training and now volunteer as a facilitator in his online grief support group Tender Hearts.

Today I’m sharing 3 FREE events related to grief and loss.

Please share with others who may benefit.

I guarantee they’ll be fantastic!!

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1. TOMORROW - Wednesday February 4th

Moving through Trauma in the Body

Join Paul Denniston, Founder of Grief Yoga, and Dr. Frank Anderson, Trauma Expert and IFS Specialist, for a powerful, interactive session on how trauma lives in the body and ways to begin the healing process.

https://www.pauldennistontraining.com/moving-through-trauma-in-the-body-event-p

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2. Tuesday, February 11th

Grief Talk — When a Parent Dies

In this free Online talk, David Kessler discusses:

• How the grief after a parent's death is unique
• Ways to forgive, release the burden of guilt, and create a legacy of love
• Dealing
...

It doesn’t take rocket science to create a more meaningful life. It starts with awareness and effort. 

What’s always been part of human life is the value of connection. Words from the dying confirm that connection, not achievement, matters most. 

Yet we’re in a connection crisis.

Have you ever systematically evaluated your relationships to figure out why some are more satisfying than others?

It might come down to intentions—choosing one kind over the other. 

• Transactional relationships —exchanges of value based on “What can I get out of this?”— are common.  
  
  
• Transformational relationships —those built on trust, emotional connection, and long-term mutual growth— are where we find fulfillment.

In many cases, where we need a transformational relationship we settle for transactions. 

This may appear to work well in the moment. It’s an easy default mode. It may be lower risk. It’s based on quick value at predetermined costs.

But it may become a habitual way of relating that hur...

 What’s one big thing you would have missed out on that required leaving your comfort zone?

—Julie

www.courage-ignite.com

Masters of Change

https://www.amazon.com/Masters-Change-Successful-Individuals-Challenging/dp/B0CGGFJN93