As a life coach my job isn’t to find solutions for clients.

That’s the job of a consultant.

It’s not to fix people either.

People who are struggling aren’t broken, they’re just discombobulated.

What helps my clients move forward is guidance.

I help define and frame their problems in a way that explains them and reduces pain, just because the problem is correctly framed.

From that structure THEY come up with solutions.

Because what I might do or Betty might do isn’t necessarily going to work for them, at least not right then.

Here are a few other things that happen in our coaching program:

— By setting aside consistent, dedicated time to address their problems, clients are more proactive.

— This helps minimize the impact of current problems while sometimes preventing others from popping up.

— Clients get concerns off their chest in a confidential setting. Too often, people keep things bottled up for fear of negative judgment or unsolicited (and unhelpful and unwanted) advic...

In the big picture of things, nonconformity is discouraged while groupthink is encouraged, expected, and rewarded.

It’s where the comfort zone is.

It also, by definition,

— reduces options,

— stunts innovation and growth,

— sustains mediocrity and excludes excellence.

Whether you’re in a forced or chosen change, those around you want stabilization so they can have predictability again.

It’s also what you want.

But this Big Temptation—the fastest path to stabilization—causes many to commit prematurely. To settle.

Ending up with mediocrity and frustration instead of wonderful things you’d never imagined.

• To have a better life it takes courage to risk embarrassment, rejection, retribution, and even expulsion from groups where you belong.

To break away from groupthink.

To make waves.

To go against the current of status quo.

Even when status quo purports to be “best practices.”

Even when tradition has “proved itself with the test of time.”

Because best practices and tr...

Most people think change is complicated.

I believe that when we let go of resistance to change we become comfortable being UNcomfortable.

Comfortable being…

Disoriented.

Confused.

Scared.

Even comfortable being in pain. 

And when we become comfortable being uncomfortable we stop feeling lost because of it.

We stop feeling defeated because of it. 

And we improve how we experience change.

We can make a mindset shift to ALLOW ourselves to be comfortable with pain,

with uncertainty,

with difficulty.

And when this happens we lower stress, increase hope, and strengthen our personal agency.

—Julie

Even a good psychotherapist only has a small constellation of “facts” about us, the general truths and trends of everyday life and how we might best fit it all together. But their perspective is highly limited.

Persistence is an invisible force within us that others may or may not recognize.

And it’s always ours to own and leverage.

It’s connected to our need to create sovereignty.

Having clarity of purpose is also ours to develop, through leveraging our personal agency.

And these invisible forces are what’s needed to achieve hard things.

• If we take ourselves more seriously, and others’ ideas about what decisions to make with a grain of salt, we’ll be much happier with our journey. 

Over time, we’ll learn to love, accept, and respect our intuition, our soul’s whispers.

And we’ll get confirmation from retrospect faster, because more often we’re making choices in alignment with our best self. 

• Our life journey is designed to be as unique as our fingerprints and it’s...

Who do you know needs this validation? 

It's okay that it still hurts 

and it's okay to not act like it doesn't.

--Julie

Emotional literacy—(the ability to understand, express and manage your own feelings and be aware of other people's emotional needs) is becoming a more recognized and sought after skill.

The article (link below) describes a small study that focused its impact on kids with special needs because:

"Emotional literacy development in children with learning disabilities is often overlooked, in research and in the development of programs, despite evidence to show that it is protective of a wide range of negative outcomes and leads to better mental health and quality of life. In fact, there is as yet no research that tells us that emotional literacy programs for children in special schools 'work.'”

Does your child’s school teach emotional literacy? 

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2024-12-special-children-positively-emotional-literacy.html#google_vignette

 —Julie

Here’s an unsurprising and seriously underutilized basic concept I share with people I coach.

These are people whose world turned upside down after a catastrophic medical diagnosis.

The concept is about prioritizing self-care.

• Because you're pushed into a forced identity transition and you have to DO and BE different, self-care sets you up for this monumental journey.

Apart from taking on new and unexpected responsibilities that disrupt your normal routines you’re also grieving.

You’ve lost the dream of how your life was going to be.

Among other changes it’s injected fear, uncertainty, and possibly robbing you of hope.

Here are three ways to promote self-care under these circumstances:

— Measure productivity differently.

— Get support.

— Process grief.

Learn to give yourself slack around what’s actually possible to get done, now your life’s fundamentally different.

This means letting go without guilt.

• Your reality has changed so too, your expectations and standards a
...

Here’s a basic concept I share with people I coach and is applicable to anyone after their world’s turned upside down.

• When your world turns upside down you’re pushed into a forced identity transition. Here, your job is to create new options.

Now that life isn’t as it was and you can’t BE and DO like before, you’re in a liminal space—you’re neither here nor there.

You’re asking profound questions about:

• Who you are now.
• Who you CAN EVEN be.

And

• Who you WANT to become.

You’re asking these questions because life is now forever different.

And to become the new version of yourself you need to create new options.

• You do this by exploring, discovering, and testing new options.

As you cobble yourself back together.

As you fit yourself into your new normal.

Three principles can help you create new options under these circumstances:

1. Problem-solve for today not tomorrow.

2. Give extra attention and value to intuition.

3. Have lots of conversations.

For parents...

Most of the time I see this concept worded differently.

People are trying to “overcome” their challenges.

For me, that puts a negative spin on it.

It implies winning a fight — an act of exclusion.

It makes it seem as if challenge is something to avoid or put behind us.

This perspective holds us back from exploring and experiencing life in its fullest.

• While the word “overcome” carries a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, it also implies endings.

Life has chapters and episodes and events that end. But only in a sense.

Because if we’re learning from adversity then we’re growing.

Each “ending” becomes integrated into who we are.

• Challenges add wisdom and intelligence to our quivers, making us more capable when the next one is upon us.

So I prefer to talk of handling challenge.

This word allows for embracing something we might prefer to not deal with.

• It’s through embracing not resisting that we can integrate reality into ourselves.

We allow ourselves to be...

When a child gets a catastrophic medical diagnosis the parent’s identity gets disrupted.

It’s no longer anchored in the same well-defined groups and associations as before.

• Because caregiver responsibilities are significantly different than those of other parents, HOW (and if) belonging happens changes.

Because of time constraints but also because of different needs, interests, and priorities, it’s easy to get isolated.

And it’s easy to beat yourself up thinking about not doing and beingthe same as before…

— All the things you’re no longer getting done...

— All the people with whom you’ve lost connection…

At the same time you know it’s impossible to be the same person because life is irrevocably and fundamentally different.

• You’re on a journey creating the best new normal you can muster.

And giving yourself grace as you adapt will help you cope better.

As you make mistakes and do it messy.

As you make the most of each day—

• through tears of grief for the life you
...